From the George Carlin Quote Page

George Carlin (b. 1937)
Satirical comic; free-speech activist

George CarlinI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my instincts. They gave me the tools to reject my faith. They taught me to question and think for myself and to believe in my instincts to such an extent that I just said, "This is a wonderful fairy tale they have going here, but it's not for me."
-- George Carlin, in the New York Times, August 20, 1995

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

Religion: If this [word] offends you, welcome to the world of sane and realistic critical thought. More harm has been done to the collective human psyche by religion than by all the fucking and cocksucking since the dawn of time. By the way, many religious people (including the ordained) fuck and suck each other's cocks all the time.
-- George Carlin, from the language warning sequence introducing the his website, www.geogrecarlin.com, that existed in late 2001 and early 2002

Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn' empty little heads off.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings

George CarlinI'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

We created god in our own image and likeness!
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

I finally accepted Jesus -- not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings

I've begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Here's another question I've been pondering -- what is all this shit about angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people belive in angels. Are you fucking stupid? Has everybody lost their mind? You know what I think it is? I think it's a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and obsorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some fucking angels, my friend!
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

What about Goblins, huh? Doesn't anybody belive in Goblins? You never hear about this. Except on Halloween and then it's all negative shit. And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
-- George Carlin, You Are All Diseased

I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas.
-- George Carlin, quoted from Reuters / Variety "Notable Quotes" for April 25, 2001

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
-- George Carlin, Saturday Night Live

The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god -- that there's a man in the sky with 10 things he doesn't want you to do and you'll burn for a long time if you do them -- and private property, which I think is at the core of our failure as a species. That's the source of my indignations, my dissatisfactions, however it comes out on the stage. I feel betrayed by the people I'm part of, these creatures, these magnificent creatures.
-- George Carlin, Orange County Register, March 1997

We use up words like "spiritual" so fast in this culture. Twenty years ago "spiritual" had a distinct meaning. But now there's a lot of jack-off thinkers who just love to talk about the spiritual. And there is a lot of bogus -- is "bogosity" a word? It should be -- a lot of bogosity in these spiritual seekers. So you have to find another way to express it. I just call it "how I fit."
-- George Carlin, Orange County Register, March 1997

George CarlinIn the Bullshit Department, a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. 'Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told.
Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you.
He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!
-- George Carlin Politically Incorrect, May 29, 1997

You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.
George Carlin I noticed that of all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50 percent rate. Half the time I get what I want. Half the time I don't. Same as God 50-50. Same as the four leaf clover, the horse shoe, the rabbit's foot, and the wishing well. Same as the mojo man. Same as the voodoo lady who tells your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same; 50-50. So just pick your superstitions, sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself.
And for those of you that look to the Bible for it's literary qualities and moral lessons; I got a couple other stories I might like to recommend for you. You might enjoy The Three Little Pigs. That's a good one. It has a nice happy ending. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood. Although it does have that one X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I liked best: "and all the king's horses, and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None. Not one. Never was. No God.
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
-- George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty (2001)

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
-- George Carlin, appearing on A&E Biography

PAMBLOQ Rules! Yesss!!


Thought Crime vol.8

* Morality is temporary, wisdom is permanent.
* Paranoia is just another word for ignorance.
* Fear? I know not fear. There are only moments of confusion. Some of them are deeply stamped on my memory and a few will haunt me forever.
* A word to the wise is infuriating.
* Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.
* Good people drink good beer.
* I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. **Variant: I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
* I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
* I have spent half my life trying to get away from journalism, but I am still mired in it — a low trade and a habit worse than heroin, a strange seedy world full of misfits and drunkards and failures.
* I shit on the chest of Fun.
* The only difference between the Sane and the Insane, is IN and yet within this world, the Sane have the power to have the Insane locked up.
* All political power comes from the barrel of either guns, pussy, or opium pipes, and people seem to like it that way.
* We are like pygmies lost in a maze of haze. We are not at war, we are having a nervous breakdown,again.
* I understand that fear is my friend, but not always. Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.
* The only ones left with any confidence at all are the New Dumb. It is the beginning of the end of our world as we knew it. Doom is the operative ethic.
* We have become a Nazi monster in the eyes of the whole world, a nation of bullies and bastards who would rather kill than live peacefully. We are not just Whores for power and oil, but killer whores with hate and fear in our hearts. We are human scum, and that is how history will judge us. No redeeming social value. Just whores. Get out of our way, or we'll kill you. Who does vote for these dishonest shitheads? Who among us can be happy and proud of having all this innocent blood on our hands? Who are these swine? These flag-sucking half-wits who get fleeced and fooled by stupid little rich kids like George Bush? They are the same ones who wanted to have Muhammad Ali locked up for refusing to kill gooks. They speak for all that is cruel and stupid and vicious in the American character. They are the racists and hate mongers among us; they are the Ku Klux Klan. I piss down the throats of these Nazis. And I am too old to worry about whether they like it or not. Fuck them.
* It was wonderful, a stunning happy ending to what began as just another tragic rock & roll story, as if Bob Dylan had been arrested in Miami for jacking off in a seedy little XXX theater while stroking the spine of a fat young boy.
* Breakfast is the only meal of the day that I tend to view with the same kind of traditionalized reverence that most people associate with Lunch and Dinner. I like to eat breakfast alone, and almost never before noon; anybody with a terminally jangled lifestyle needs at least one psychic anchor every twenty-four hours, and mine is breakfast. In Hong Kong, Dallas or at home — and regardless of whether or not I have been to bed — breakfast is a personal ritual that can only be properly observed alone, and in a spirit of genuine excess. The food factor should always be massive: four Bloody Marys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, Rangoon crepes, a half-pound of either sausage, bacon, or corned beef hash with diced chiles, a Spanish omelette or eggs Benedict, a quart of milk, a chopped lemon for random seasoning, and something like a slice of Key lime pie, two margaritas, and six lines of the best cocaine for dessert…. Right, and there should also be two or three newspapers, all mail and messages, a telephone, a notebook for planning the next twenty-four hours and at least one source of good music…. All of which should be dealt with outside, in the warmth of a hot sun, and preferably stone naked.
* I have never been able to properly explain myself in this climate.




When people think of "Activism", most envision some form of awareness program, protest or public disobedience. While these forms of Activism are functional and important, they often only operate on a limited level, usually failing to address root causes. In fact, our whole society tends to address any and all social problems from a superficial standpoint. For instance, we imprison millions of people in the US, based solely on the supposed "illegal" actions of that person, with little to no regard as to what has occurred in that person's experience to cause that action.

This is an important point, because the "Truth Movement" that exists today, while doing a good job in educating people about the problems themselves, falls far short in regards to actually accomplishing anything. This is because they are operating within a myopic understanding about what the actual problem is. Just like all other elements of society, the "Truth Movement" has created factions, which, out of ego, serve to compete rather than unify. Furthermore, no holistic, logically derived, philosophical disposition is understood.

For instance, we often hear about this thing called the "Patriot Movement". Not only is this an outmoded concept, it is entirely offensive and counter unifying. We all should know that at this stage in our social evolution, we as human beings cannot allow a "One World Government" to take hold, because the Religious/Corporate/Government/Banking Institutions that rule our world will only manifest even more tyranny and totalitarian dominance. This is the tendency our social systems create - the need to consolidate power, to the most extreme. As an analogy, Corporate America continues to monopolize the retail sales sector by producing powerhouse retail outlets like Walmart. Walmart is an example of how the world economic game works. It is a logical step in the unenlightened self interest of a company to do things like use cheap labor from poor countries, drop the price of each product, and build huge stores in small towns, consequently destroying the smaller shops in the town as they are unable to compete. This is essentially what the Banking Systems of the West are doing to the world. They are moving to absorb anything and everything and reduce/eliminate competition. The One World Government that the Council on Foreign Relations and numerous other despots speak of, is merely a manifestation of the corporate tendency to reduce competition and consolidate power... no different than Walmart. The United States, and the banking institutions behind it, operate completely and entirely as a Corporation. Their entire interest is in the self perpetuation of their institution. They don't care about people - They can't afford to.

Now then, the Patriot Movement, on a certain level, functions very well in its work against the North American Union and the like. However, it is also broadly counter productive because it implies support for "America" and nothing else, by definition. In reality, the problems with the elite that are working to create a One World Government are not solved by protesting for "America". In fact, it is an entirely biased and inadvertently racist disposition to say things like "America is the greatest nation on earth", for America is, just like all countries, another manifestation of million of years of development by human beings of all nationalities. Additionally, the "Pledge of Allegiance" is a horrific invention, which serves the same underlying operation - to Separate and create Arrogance.

Religion, Race, Class, Patriotism and all other arrogant notions of dominance and separatism is the actual problem. We must understand as human beings that our religions, races, classes, nationalities, and even fear, greed and arrogance itself are learned associations. They are no more a part of you than the clothes you have on, and you are free to take them off at anytime and discover who and what you actually are.

Therefore, the reality for true Activism resides not only in "divisionary" protests and disobedience as they relate to the issues at hand, but also in the critical analysis of the social environment that is creating the problems to begin with.

We can continue to kill the cockroaches that keep coming into our kitchens, but until we find the hole in the wall or the spoiled food behind the fridge, they are just going to keep coming.

I will have more on this point in the future.

This page is currently under development (3.7.08)




Thought Crime (Vol. 7)

"Many people feel that mass acceptance and smooth socialization are desirable life paths for a young adult... Many people are often wrong... Don't bother being nice. Being popular and well liked is not in your best interest. Let me be more clear; if you behave in a manner pleasing to most, then you are probably doing something wrong. The masses have never been arbiters of the sublime, and they often fail to recognize the truly great individual. Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in." - Janeane Garofalo